Reality Check
So after that horrendous attempt at a run on Friday, I think it’s time for me to admit to myself that I’m not as in shape as I originally thought.
I’ve decided to reevaluate my workout routine. I’m going to start the 30 Day Shred, riding the stationary bike for an hour and possibly the elliptical for a little while. I mainly want to build up my endurance and lose some weight before I try to start running. My goal is to be able start the couch to 5k by the beginning of July.
I had a weird (and self revealing) dream
So I often dream about looking for bathrooms, even when I don’t actually need the bathroom. Once I find a bathroom, which is always a public one with stalls, there is always something wrong with it; the stalls don’t have doors, the stalls are dirty, there’s no toilet paper, etc. So this morning’s dream started out with me simply looking for a bathroom, like a normal dream. I somehow ended up a member of some religious cult. Now real life me believes that I didn’t choose to join, because real life me isn’t a member of any religion and never will be, and cults are generally frightening. Anyway, I got dragged into this cult and was given some kind of medication and I attended some weird service where people very high ranking in the cult glued blue posters to the walls. Eventually I realized a lot of my friends were in this cult too. I also eventually realized that once nobody cared about you, you were killed. I can assume that the medication gave me some kind of intuition or whatever, because I had like computerized vision that let me know who was cared about and who cared about me. Enter two of the male friends in my life who I once considered to be my best friends. I guess everyone stopped caring about one of them… And as I was deciding if I still cared for him, my other ex-friend stopped being cared for, and I immediately said I cared for him in order to save his life. Then I woke up. The problem is, I don’t think anyone cared for me.
Wanted ice cream but ate frozen mango instead.
I would consider that a victory.
Now if only I could freaking exercise more consistently.
Grapes in my mom’s garden. I wish they were ripe I want to eat them.
MM 5/28
Biceps (second mole from shoulder): 16.5
Bust: 41
Waist (narrowest): 38
Hips: 48.25
Thigh (small mole): 30
I didn’t really exercise today, but I did sort of clean my room and worked up a sweat because my room is hot. I just finished my dinner which was lemon pepper chicken with steamed veggies. It was supposed to have quinoa with it but I made it to salty so I didn’t eat that. I’m still way under my calorie goal but I’m not sure what else to eat. Maybe some watermelon, nom nom. Well I need to go take a shower because I feel gross, then dishes, and that yummy watermelon. Hope everyone is having a nice night.
(Tentative) Rewards
Since I’ve banned myself from the scale until August I’m going to reward myself for exercising/eating healthy for certain amounts of time rather than reaching numerical goals.
These rewards are subject to change depending on the amount of money I have at the time.
2 weeks of exercise/healthy eating: trim hair
4 weeks of exercise/healthy eating: dye hair (like this)
6 weeks of exercise/healthy eating: second ear piercing (both ears)
8 weeks of exercise/healthy eating: left tragus piercing
10 weeks of exercise/healthy eating: clothes shopping
My legs are sore. I barely did anything out of the ordinary yesterday. I mean I ran for a minute, but that’s hardly reason for soreness. I’m supposed to go to a wine festival with my friend this afternoon, but since I don’t drink I’m trying to figure out how to get out of it. I could always pull the “I’m sick” card… I definitely will be if I drink. Plus, it’s supposed to get crazy windy. I also just really don’t want to go.
forensicsandpathology:
An enlarged heart from obesity or high blood pressure may be twice the size of a normal heart.
I have a killer headache and I’m not completely sure how I got it… Drinking water and took some Tylenol, hopefully it goes away soon.
Day 1
Distance: 1.40 mi
Time: 25:11
Average speed: 3.26 mph
Well… at least I tried.
Had a hard time getting out of bed this morning so got a later start than I intended. I ate a banana and drove to the trail to walk/run. Walked 10 minutes then ran 1 minute… then I felt sick and had to continue to walk. I originally planned on doing the 20 minute interval twice, but after that first minute of running I got light headed and got stomach cramps. So I guess I need to eat before, which means waking up earlier… which is good because it’s a lot cooler earlier. I’m going to try this interval again tomorrow and will do it as many times I need to in order to get through it all, even if that means I have to do it everyday for a month.
Watching “The Weight of The Nation” on HBO
… I need to start exercising…
I’ve been putting off running for a week… I was going to start today… But… I don’t have a decent excuse other than I’m scared to change. I’ve spent the majority of my life in this body and with these habits and I’m scared of things getting better and getting healthier. I need to get over this and stop being afraid of everything. Change is good. I want to become healthy. I don’t want to be afraid of everything all the time.
